What's Cool In Road Cycling

Armstrong to Buy NeverLand Ranch!

With very little Fanfare, typical of Jackson’s low profile post legal battle image of late, a very brief chat with media sources close (but not too…) to Jackson said today that he did in fact have guests hustled out to his new home that arrived in the Nike Corporate jet that landed in the executive airfield located near the coast of the wealthy Emirate.

When asked for comment early this morning, sources close to Lance confirmed that he wanted a west coast location and had grown fond of California after the last few training camps. He’s also rumored to want more control over the shooting of the movie of his life story and is concerned that Matt Damon may in fact not have the right “look” about him unless Lance locks him in a closet with no food or water for 7 months.

It’s Pez’s guess that once they remove the skeletons from Jackson’s closet, there will probably be lots of room for Matt, who can drive back up the coast when not filming.

Sources close to Big, eh… Cali said that the first order of business would be to reinforce the gates, as Dick Pound has “really done a number on the fence at the old place” and also to make sure that Trek mechanics look over all the rides. “Lance believes that we can get another .4 to .5 KPH from the choo choo if we go to ceramic bearings and lighten things up with carbon fiber seats” says one happy engineer.

No word yet on whether he will keep all the animals, but it’s rumored that the harping from the monkeys sounds “a bit too French” so they may have to go. The male lion is also rumored to be under the weather, and apparently took ill immediately after Lance past by the cage. The facility’s staff veterinarian stated that “it can happen when the mental state of a dominant Lion is damaged, but it usually involves a fight over control over the pride. I’ve never seen a Lion drop to its knees like that just from someone walking past.”

On a happier note, Lance’s Kids will have all the toys in the world to play with, and Lance seems to be fairly happy with all the terrain to mountain bike on. Lost in the shuffle seem to be long time friend College and trainer Chris Carmichael, neither of which have been seen since stumbling upon a cache of video tapes stowed in a false wall.

Lance has offered up the place not only to Discovery Team training camps but a select group of other pros for winter go rounds. No word on Axel Merckx spending time there training over winter as he is known to do in southern California though. It seems as if Axel was all for it, but Eddy made a promise never to send his little boy to that place and it seems as though he’s sticking to his guns…

Close of escrow seems to be nearly complete, and should Pez be allowed a tour of the place, we’ll try for a few pictures…

Like PEZ? Why not subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive updates and reminders on what's cool in road cycling?

Comments are closed.