Homeboy: Inspiration Known
Some days you got it and other you don’t – after last week’s “Inspiration Unknown” diary I can say I’m back. Not that the hard times are over, there are still lots of hard days of training and racing to come. Physically I am back on track, but mentally I am there, reaffirmed by this past weekend’s races.
Sunday, a race I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well at, is a race I just screwed up. I was so excited to be feeling better I figured I would just be able to be an overnight rock star and just ride all those Belgians off my wheel. Sometimes I damn this American mentality of “instant change”. If anything, change (in the scheme of life) is rarely instant, but a process of consistent reversal of the previous state. Why on earth I thought I could do it different is beyond me.
So I got in the race, made my way to the front and drove the pace a couple of times at the front hard into the cross wind. Successfully I helped charge a split in the field, but all to the detriment of myself. I went to the point of no return and no amount of recover would bring me back to survival. The whole race lasted 25 minutes for me – I was back to a state of severe self-doubt after such a very bad result.
The next day I had a chance for redemption. Another Kermese, another day. This time I abandoned all hope for rock star status and went for the role of pack-filler. My mission was to finish and my objective was to do the least amount of work of anyone in the race.
I did just to plan, sucking so much wheel I would make a Hoover vacuum jealous. I finished, dead last in the race, but still in the top half of the field as over half of the 80 starters quit the race. I might have been able to pull off a little better result if it hadn’t been for a full leg cramp on the last lap. That was a feeling I hadn’t had in a while. Of course the feeling of pain my legs was a satisfaction long lost by my senses. It may sound a bit weird, but I liked what I felt!
So as Bernard would say, “Hey man, there is no man overboard!” I’m content with my current result, but in no way satisfied. My hunger for improved results increases with each day. Satisfaction of my desire will only be filled with flowers and podium girl kisses, until that day I salivate, plan and prepare for the win.