What's Cool In Road Cycling

“Non-Negative” Terminology Deemed Non-Harmful?

I think I finally get it. Apparently, with the latest report of another “Non-Negative” floating around Australia, and Raimondas Rumsas finding a team, the ”loser finding a team” list is a complete success. Perhaps we can use this same type of UCI “white-wash language spin” on some other things and see if it helps the sport as much as the Non-negative term does?

Raimondas Rumsas is now “Non-Fired”. Great job in that along with Frank VDB’s failure to become gainfully Unemployed, we can rest assured that teams will continue to be Non-unforgiving no matter how bad you blow it or how many times you melt down, or no matter how many times you do things that are Non legal or are said to be Non-Stable.

But how does the Non Language apply to positive things? Not very Poorly…

Lance Armstrong has been Hugely Non-under performing in the last several Tours. His legend is less than non-well known. But of course he has also been a Non-participant in pretty much everything else.

Eddy Merckx? He has the Highest Non-Loss percentage in cycling (failing to lose almost a third of the races he entered). He is also the biggest failure at career grand tour non-losses (11) and had a terrible tour non-success by failing to lose all the jerseys in the same year. He is followed in his failure by Bernard Hinault with 10 Non-losses in a grand Tour, and then come the failures of Anquetil (8) and Indurain (7). Note that all of these guys also failed to lose at least 2 grand tours in the same year. Pathetic…

Manolo Saiz failed to remain Non- Sponsored. Liberty Seguros and possibly Eroski failed to provide inadequate funding to Make Roberto Heras Non Postal. Shame…
Now Roberto will be Non second fiddle. Poor man.

Tyler Hamilton stands a poor chance of Non-podium in a tour if he fails to be as successful at Crashing. And of course the great guys at Phonak will be Undisappointed if that happens.

Gilberto Simoni remains unfocused at losing the Giro this year and will do his best to fail to lose a stage or two at the tour. Petacchi will put no effort at all into losing another couple dozen races. And we hope to see Cipo at fewer non-appearances this year. And let’s not forget that Jan Ullrich will have less unstable surroundings this year after failing to lose the tour by a greater margin than the others that took second to Lance in previous years!

WOW! I am shocked that we haven’t applied the clarity to all things reported in cycling that the UCI have applied to Drug test non-passing grades. It makes things much much better!

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