What's Cool In Road Cycling

Top 10 List: What They Say: What They Think

The PEZ Top 10 List is back – and just in time to save you from suffering a slow cubicle death on a Friday! Today we step inside the mind of the race commentator for the Top 10 Right Brain: Left Brain (what they say: what they think) comments as they call the action, or lack of, from our favorite races. Heeeere we go…

10.
Right Brain: Welcome to another exciting day of racing! We’ve got a hilly stage today and could see the stage decided there in the hills. But there’s always a chance of yet another exciting sprint finish!

Left Brain: I’ve never seen such a boring race – hope I stay awake through all of it today.

9.
Right Brain: Look at that rain! I’ll bet the riders are happy to have those rain jackets on!

Left Brain: But not as happy as I am to be sitting in this nice, warm, dry studio…

8.
Right Brain: Here’s the first intermediate sprint – who’s going to break out of the pack and go for it?

Left Brain: Which of the little teams hasn’t shown up on TV yet? They’ve got to get those sponsors names mentioned…

7.
Right Brain: Well, we’re already 75 km into the day’s stage and the peloton is still all together – no breakaway attempts yet.

Left Brain: Are they as bored as I am? (I hope none of them falls asleep on his bike and crashes….)

6.
Right Brain: We’ll be right back after this commercial.
Left Brain: Good thing too, those five cups of coffee are really backin’ up in there…

Right Brain: Sorry about that, folks, but we missed a real exciting bit of action there during the commercial…
Left Brain: …but don’t expect me to describe it! I didn’t see it either!

5.
Right Brain: A breakaway! Finally! And it’s – Jacky Durand! The long-break specialist!

Left Brain: Here we go again, I wonder if these ridiculous moves are written into his contract?

4.
Right Brain: Looks like lunchtime for the riders. As they approach the feed zone, let’s take a look at this special report on just what’s in those bags.

Left Brain: Thank God I don’t have to eat that crap…

3.
Right Brain: Here come the mountains! Who has the best climbing legs today? This climb could decide today’s winner – or even the gc winner -!

Left Brain: yeah, right… They call these mountains? sheesh, even I could ride my bike up these little hills!

2.
Right Brain: Oh no, nasty crash! Four, five, six riders down – fortunately none of them seem to be hurt. But what happened?

Left Brain: Hey, all the other riders saw that woman in the bikini, too, but most of them managed to keep their eyes on the road…

1.
Right Brain: And there’s the marker for the last kilometer! All hell is breaking loose! The sprinters are getting into position! Their teams are pulling like crazy! Who will do it? Who has the best legs after today’s grueling stage? 200 meters! 100 meters! It’s – it’s — a photo finish! I couldn’t call the winner if I had to!

Left Brain: And thank God I don’t have to … what a stupid race — nearly 200 km, uphill, downhill, and the whole group saves the real race for the last 500 meters so the “speed freaks” can half kill themselves trying to cross the line first…

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